Demistifying mindfulness

Mindfulness is a word we hear a lot these dayswhether it’s in therapy, at work, on social media, or in apps that promise to help us feel better. But what does it actually mean, and why is it so popular now? Mindfulness simply means paying attention to what’s happening in the present moment, on purpose and without judging it. It’s about noticing your thoughts, feelings, or sensations without trying to change them or push them away. 

While mindfulness might seem like a modern wellness trend, it’s actually been around for thousands of years. There is evidence mindfulness comes from ancient meditation practices, especially in Hinduism and Buddhism. In the 1970s, a man named Jon Kabat-Zinn was one of the earlier practitioners to bring mindfulness into Western psychology by creating a program called Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR). Since then, it’s become a popular tool in many types of therapy and mental health work. 

Mindfulness in therapy 

Therapists often use mindfulness to help people cope with different kinds of emotional and mental health challenges. It’s used in well-known approaches like Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). There are a range of difficulties mindfulness can be helpful for: 

• Anxiety – by helping people stay grounded instead of worrying about the future. 

• Depression – by reducing rumination (the cycle of negative thoughts that repeat over and over). 

• Emotional overwhelm – by helping people pause before reacting. 

• Concentration problems – by training the mind to focus on one thing at a time. 

In therapy, mindfulness is not just about relaxing. It’s about learning to observe your thoughts, feelings, and body sensations as they occur. This can help create space between feeling something and reacting to a feeling or situation. 

Mindfulness isn’t easy for everyone 

Even though mindfulness can be helpful for some, it doesn’t work for everyone, and that’s ok. Some people find it frustrating, boring, or even a bit patronising when suggested in therapy. Personally, mindfulness has been valuable for me but in my work as a psychologist, some clients have told me that mindfulness exercises didn’t feel helpful at all. A few have even shared that it increased their anxiety or made them feel frustrated because they just didn’t ‘get it’. Others found the idea too simplistic or felt like they were being talked down to about the gravity of their difficulties. There are a few reasons why people might struggle with mindfulness because sitting quietly and noticing your thoughts can be hard—especially if your mind is busy, loud, or has painful memories. Some people have also shared with me it feels like they’re “doing it wrong” if they can’t focus or their mind keeps wandering, which can feel frustrating. For some people who have experienced trauma, being still or focusing on the body can feel unsafe or overwhelming. It’s important to understand that mindfulness can bring up a lot and it’s not always the right tool at the right time. 

How to address these challenges 

Mindfulness does not need to mean sitting cross-legged in silence for 20 minutes. There are some tips to make it more comfortable or useful if you find it challenging. Here are some tips I use to make it more accessible in therapy: 

• Start small: Even 30 seconds of paying attention to your breath or noticing sounds around you can be enough to begin. 

• Be honest about the discomfort: It’s okay if mindfulness feels hard or even annoying at first. You’re not doing it wrong. 

• Use non-judgmental language towards yourself: Instead of “clear your mind,” try “just notice what’s here.” There’s no right or wrong way to do it. 

• Remember you have a choice: Not everyone wants to do mindfulness exercises, and there are other options available to you. 

• Focus on meaning or the value of mindfulness: Finding personal meaning of why you are trying mindfulness can make it feel more relevant. 

• Be aware of trauma: For some people, tuning in to the body can feel scary or triggering. Go slowly, and always speak to your therapist if you have concerns 
   

Mindfulness can be a powerful tool in therapy but like any tool, it’s not for everyone. Sometimes it helps people feel calmer, more connected to themselves, or more in control of their emotions. Other times, it just doesn’t fit that person’s preferences and that’s ok too.

As a psychologist discussing mindfulness with clients, I often remind myself of the challenges people face when attempting mindfulness and that it is not always the answer. I’ve had clients who found it freeing, and others who found it irritating. The most important thing for me is to listen to what a person actually needs, and to offer mindfulness (or any other therapeutic tool) in a way that feels respectful and useful to them.

At its heart, mindfulness is about being present with yourself, with your experience, and with whatever’s happening right now. When we bring that same presence into the therapy room, it can include noticing what a person needs and working with them to become attuned with those needs. This might mean gaining value from a practise like mindfulness, but it might be allowing space to admit when its not.  

-Dr. Stephanie Holmes